Stories from Domestic Violence Victims
March 1, 2010
Well, there was this boy named Dan. when we started dating, he bought me everything a wanted and we had sex regularly. after about 5 months he started getting horribly irritated with me and then one day, i remember it like it ws yesterday, he slapped me. yeah. across the face. ill never forget it, and then he had sex with me to make me feel better because he knows that was what i liked, but he demanded to put it in my behind. after, he beat me senseless. i didnt know who to turn to so i went to abw. it was so horrible and i will never forget it but abw helped so much, i finally feel like i can move on.
Anonymous
February 25, 2010
I have benn in this relationship six years, even tho the frist three were the most amazing years of my life, yeah we had are ups and downs at times but nothing like now.
At frist it started with yellin then came the threats,then came he kicked me and my infant out with no where to go but yet i went back,he put on the "oh baby im sorry i love you"act,but still it continues,now he makes me sell my body for money and takes it from me so he can do what ever he wants,i have to stay in the house and i have no friends,i even have to call him and ask him for money if i want to go some where and even then we fight.
he makes me have sex with him when he wants it,he makes me feel like im no good it even hurts when i look in the mirror at my self and when i try to get away it never works.he never hurts my baby i thank god for that but im scared that the threats an emotional abuse will become more.i just wish there was a way to leave all this behind..
Anonymous
February 2, 2010
I am 53 years old and I have been in an abusive marriage, my second for twenty years. We have two children together, they are boys, ages 16 and 19. Ten years ago I attempted to break free and I filed for divorce. What followed was a hellish nightmare that lasted a year. I spent my life savings defending myself from his paper flurry to my lawyer and child protection services. He is an expert emotional abuser. He controls every dollar we have and I do not have my name on any asset we own. The only thing in my name are debts, that I have had to incur to survive here. When the court finally ordered him to pay my lawyer $10,000, he kicked in with I will kill myself if you do not let me come back home. His mother was dying of cancer at the time and I (like an idiot) allowed him back in my life. He had caused so much damage, I told him there were conditions...he must get couseling (I was already in couseling), he must share my name on our married resources, and h e must stop the emotional abuse. He went to one session, and according to him the counselor didn't think he had a problem and he didn't need to go back. He never put my name on anything. He did try and control the name calling and belittling, but the foul language and abuse just took other forms. Subtly he convinced me the nanny was to expensive and I should quit my job and care for my boys,7 and 9 at the time. He would give me a check every month and I was to pay the household bills and groceries from it. I was always in the position to "ask" for my check every month, something I find demeaning. I feel like a servant or the hired help. I had a professional job in a big corporation and I have a college education. Now that the boys are older they often mimmick his abusive tone and language in order to get there way. He never backs me up of course, because their abusive behavior justifies his. When I ask him to enforce a rule and one of my sons objects saying this or that abou t me, he generally agrees with them. If I object he just says, you are a bitch and a nag just listen to yourself. I now find myself being abused not just by my husband but by my sons as well. Two years ago I took an overdose of sleeping pills. A foolish, impulsive, desperate move. You can just imagine how they use that against me now. The nurses that cared for me knew what was up and would not let him pick me up from the hospital. I lied to them and told them It was all about me and that I was having a tough time with menopause and depression. I need help to get out this relationship.
Anonymous
December 29, 2009
I just have a poem that I wrote about how my ex used to hit me and beat me up badly.
All the shit
I put up with
all the pain and the hurt
humiliated and disrespected
straight drug in the dirt.
I still stuck by your side
through thick
and through thin
cowered in the corner
giving in to every whim.
Bruised up and beat up
I did all I could
and then some to boot!
Now what do I look like?
The dumb bitch in a monkey suit!
But I'll gather myself
this won't keep me down
strengthening and bettering myself-
it's my turn to clown!
Anonymous
December 19, 2009
Reading the stories of other women's struggles really struck a cord with me. Three years ago I was in an abusive relationship, physically, mentally and emotionally. This abuse went on for almost 2 years and after I went back 2x. It took me a long time to realize that I was not the names that he called me, that I deserved to NOT be literally spit on and kicked. That I was better than his drunken rants and him jacking me up against walls by my wrists. I will never forget what happened and until recently I hadn't forgiven myself. For me, forgiving myself and reminding myself that it wasn't fault allowed me to move forward. I still see this person almost on a weekly basis and have chosen for the past 3 years to keep my distance because his presence in my life is toxic. I am now a healthcare professional and working towards a safer and healthier life for myself. I am inspired by the women who triumph over abuse and say that enough is enough.
Anonymous
October 5, 2009
I've been married for many years. We have one daughter who my husband adores. He used to love me too but then life happened. I've gotten older, I quit smoking and gained weight. He started his putdowns about 15 years ago. I tried begging, pleading, marriage counseling, he wasn't interested. He told me he didn't love me anymore, but he didn't know why, but still he stayed. He basically ignored me for years, and when he did speak to me it was in a demeaning, condescending voice. Now, I'm faced with no job, my lack of income has escalated his hatred towards me. He threatened to punch me and smash the computer one day last week (the day before my birthday). I no longer feel safe in my own home. I must have gotten "used" to the psychological abuse, but the threat of physical abuse I won't ignore. I need to set an example for my daughter, abuse is not acceptable. I realize I should have left a long time ago. But, I'm not one to look back though, I try to only look forward. I'm filing for a divorce.
Anonymous
September 22, 2009
Three years ago I filed for divorce, i should have filed years before but I didn't because I was scared. It was not about being physically abused, at times I wish it was because then people could see what I was feeling. His words were so cruel to people he did not like, his words were cruel to me and I was married to him. Once I filed for the divorce he asked for life became unbearable. There were numerous tape recorders taping me in my own home, emails wouldn't go out without him approving them first. I was locked out of our filing cabinet, the safe and he began telling cruel storys about how abusive I was to him. I found out that my marriage had been carefully documented, worded so to say i was an unfit mother. He didn't prove a thing but did drag me through 2 years of litigation until I just couldn't fight him any longer. We share custody of our two young girls, he tells them awful things about me. He continues to spy on me, document me and thre aten me with going back to court. his mother refers to herself as Mommy to my girls. His words scare me but no one understands. If I stand up to him he becomes more mean to me, makes my life awful. If I don't then he rules my life and i wonder why I divorced him. I am his target, he lives to ruin me and continues to try. I wonder how people can move on and live their lives, I struggle each and every day.
Anonymous
July 18, 2009
i'm just typing to get it out. i haven't been continously hit, but it occasionally in the past. my experience has been more verbally abusive than physical. i received more of the tongue lashing from my son's grandmother than his father. i had a nervous breakdown. due to panic attacks i practically lost. almost everything my job, family, and even my son. just because i couldn't stand my ground now the one son that i have is living with grandma. i want to get what life left back. i want to set an example for my daughter that it is ok to be herself, and accertive in her life.
Anonymous
July 15, 2009
I was in a relationship with a man for 8 years. We have 3 children together (6,5,2) I delt with the humilation, name calling, pushing, shoving, hitting, him taking my paychecks and not paying the rent with it. I delt with a lot... I left a few times and stayed away for a while until I went back with my kids. I continued to be abused and my children witnessed a lot of it and I never realized that their behavior was because of the domestic violence. The last straw for me was when my ex came home and knew that our son and daughter were fighting. He pusehed our daughter in her room and smashed my son's face into the refrigerator causing his mouth and nose to bleed a lot. That night my ex cried and apologized about how it was all an accident. He wouldn't let me call the ambulance or take our son to the hospital. He said that if I called anyone, he would hold us all hostige. He was eventually arrested for a different matter but once he was gone I took my 3 small
kids to ABW where I learned so much about how to keep myself and my kids safe. They learned how to understand that I am their mother and they do have to listen to me and respect me. We learned how to be a non-violent happy family. We just moved into our new apartment last week and we are so much happier and we don't feel scared that their dad will hurt us all anymore. He is still in jail looking at at least 10 years upstate for violating my order of protection. I don't know what we would have done if ABW didn't exist.
Anonymous
July 14, 2009
I have been a victim of abuse for the past 2.5 years. I never thought I could be in this postion. I never thought I would take it. But he has manipulated me ... controlled me and hurt me to the point that I actually felt I deserved it. Even knowing full well I have never done one thing to make this happen to me. I cant even talk to anyone. He has alienated everyone from me. Friends and family. : (
He has tore me down and taken all the strength I have had. I used to be a strong person. A happy person. Full of life and laughter. I cant do anything right anymore. I know I am a good person with a big heart. I had so much love for life. Everytime I break it off. He goes after me by way of people he knows I love. He hurts me by turning others against me with horrible terrible lies that are so far from the truth and so far from me. Its a terrible cycle. I am drained. But I know deep down I can be who I once was again without him. I need support and professional help.
Anonymous
